Nk’uko umuhanga mu by’urukundo Yahya Messi mu gitabo cye, ‘Leurs Top Secrets’ abisobanura, ngo ikintu cya mbere ku bagabo ni ukumenya kwigira ku bagore.
Erega nibyo, nonese niba muri rusange, utajya wumva imiterere y’abagore, ni gute uzumva umukobwa wawe? Uzumva ute se umugore washatse, umukunzi wawe cyangwa mushiki wawe, n’inshuti yawe isanzwe y’umukobwa?
Abagore muri rusange, ni abantu bakunda umuntu ubitaho, bakunda gufata neza ibintu no kubiha agaciro mu buryo butandukanye n’ubw’abagabo. Ibi niba ushaka kubyumva neza uzabisuzume, cyangwa se wifashishe igitabo: Les hommes viennent de Mars et les femmes viennent de Venus, igitabo ushobora no kubona films documentaires zikivugaho. Iki gitabo kigaragaza neza kinifashishije ingero zifatika uburyo abagore batandukanye kure n’abagabo, uburyo hari ibintu byinshi abagabo badasobanukiwe ku bagore.
Hari aho abanditse iki gitabo batanga urugero rw’ukuntu umugabo iyo umuhamagaye umubwira ko urwaye umutwe cyane, ahita akubaza aho uri kugira ngo agushakirre ibinini abikuzanire, mu gihe umugore we abanza kukubaza ibibazo byinshi birimo aho uri, icyaba cyaguteye kunanirwa no kugira stress, agaytangira no kukubwira ibindi birimo no kuba yakwibutsa ko yari yarakubujije kunywa inzoga, … Muri rusange, ngo abagore iyo ubabwiye ko urwaye umutwe batangira kureba impamvu zaguteye kurwara umutwe, kurusha gushaka umuti w’icyo kibazo cyawe mu gihe umugabo we ngo yihutira kujya gushaka imiti gusa.
Ntabwo ari bibi pe, kuko ibi byerekana uburyo umugore muri rusange yita ku bintu kandi akabiha agaciro cyane, akantu ako ariko kose gashobora kumubabaza mu gihe ku mugabo we ibintu yitaho cyangwa bimutwarira umwanya ari bike cyane.
Uratekereza ko ikosa ari irya nde?
Yaba umugabo cyangwa umugore nta n’umwe ufite ikosa kuko Imana niyo yaturemye mu buryo butandukanye, nabyo kandi nsanga atari bibi kuko bidufasha kuzuzanya.
Nibyo koko imiterere y’abantu iratandukanye cyane, ari nayo mpamvu uzabona umugore afata umwanya we kugira ngo agutekere ibiryo ukunda, akaba azi mutwe itariki yawe y’amavuko kandi wenda wowe waranayibagirwa, akaba azi n’andi matariki akomeye mu buzima bwawe. Ibi byose abagore babikoreshwa n’urukundo baba bafitiye abagabo.
Jya wibuka kandi ko mu nkuru zose, mu migani myinshi ivuga ku bakobwa, irangira ibagaragaza nk’abamikazi, ikarangira igaragaza ko mu mpera buri mukobwa ahura n’igikomangoma (prince) cye kandi kiteguye kumuha urukundo mu buryo bwose.
Muri iyi nkuru turashaka kukwereka bimwe mu bintu abagabo batazi ku bagore kandi nyamara ari ingenzi mu mubano n’urukundo rwabo. N’ubwo bwose bidashoboka ko umukobwa/umugore abona uwo yifuza (l’homme parfait, perfect man) ariko nibura wowe musore/mugaboo gerageza kumwumvisha ko witeguye guhinduka.
Aha rero turagufasha kumenya ibyo wakora bikamushimisha bityo akarushaho kukwibonamo kurushaho kandi nawe ubwawe bitagusabye ko uhindura uko uteye cyane dore ko n’akenshi bigorana.
Dore rero ibintu usanga akenshi abagabo benshi badasobanukiwe ku bagore, kandi nyamara ari ibintu bishobora kububakira cyane:
- Abagore bakunda umuntu ubabwira ko ari beza: Kubwira umukunzi wawe kenshi gashoboka ko ari mwiza ni ikintu cy’ingenzi cyane. Aha kandi ugerageze no kumuha compliments (kumushimagiza) ku bintu bikomeye yagezeho, ku manota yabonye (niba ari umunyenshuri), kuri promotion yabonye ku kazi (umubwire ko yari abikwiye), ku mpano ze, n’ibindi.
- Kumwereka ko wiyizeye: Jya wereka umugore/umukobwa ko kuba ari inshuti yawe bigushimisha cyane, kandi ko uko bwije n’uko bukeye urushaho kumukunda. Kenshi bisa n’ibiteye isoni kuba wamusomera mu ruhame rwa benshi, ariko nibura niba muri mukugendana jya umufata ukuboko, abone nawe ko gukundana bikunezeza no kubyereka bose. Bishyire kuri bose babireba daaaa!!!
- Si byiza kumubeshya: kimwe n’abandi bantu bose burya iyo umuntu akubeshye akantu n’aho kaba ari gato, ukakamenya, birakubabaza kandi ugahita umutakariza icyizere.
- Irinde guteza intonganya mu ruhame no kuburana cyane : Ibi nabyo biri mu bintu abagore badakunda na gato, bituma basa n’aho bamwaye, bikabatera isoni,…ntibibashimisha muri rusange.
- Kumwitaho kandi wenyine: Hari abagabo benshi batekereza ko kuba muri kumwe n’abandi ari byiza kwita ku bandi bakobwa muri kumwe, niba murimo kubyina bose ukabitaho (ukababyinisha, ukabazanira ibyo kunywa,…) ariko burya wa mukobwa mukundana cyangwa wa mugore wawe rimwe na rimwe icyo witaga kuba ‘gentleman’ abifata nk’aho ari ukurengera kandi ko noneho muramuttse muttari kumwe warengera ukaba wakora n’ibindi. Rimwe na rimwe rero abibona nk’aho wamuca inyuma mu buryo bukoroheye cyane. Byirinde bitagusenyera.
- Irinde gusohokana inshuti ze utabimbwiye: Ni byiza ko umenyana n’inshuti ze, ariko burya iyo ugeze aho kujya uzisohokana utabanje kubimubwira cyangwa mutari kumwe ntibimushimisha, habe na mba. Ahubwo atangira kwibaza ko ahari harimo uwo usigaye ukunda, udashaka ko amenya; agatangira kutakwizera nabo atabasize.
-Ntuzigere ugiramo n’umwe mufitanye umubano wihariye kabone n’iyo nta kindi cyaba kibyihishe inyuma. Ikindi kandi ntukagire uwo wandikira ubutumwa bugufi muri kumwe mwese, ahita yibuka uburyo namwe byatangiye bisa no kwikinira akabona ko namwe ariho murimo kuganisha. Ni byiza kandi kumwereka ko wishimira kuba uri kumwe nawe wenyine, kurusha iyo muri kumwe mwese.
- Komeza kwiyitaho: Niba ari uwawe ntibivuze ko wafatishije bihagije ku buryo nta handi yajya. Reka da! Komeza umwereke ko uri umusore/umugabo mwiza w’igikundiro, umwereke ko rwose umukwiye kandi ko no hanze aha babona ko afite umugabo mwiza.
- Kumwitaho bihagije: Niba muri kumwe n’inshuti zawe witerura ibiganiro mu nshuti zawe ngo umere nk’aho adahari. Mwereke ko umwitayeho, mu kugenda umwiyegereze mbega umubere ingabo imukingira, umubere ukwezi kumumurikira, … Erega jya wishyira mu mwanya we, byagushimisha se niba iyo ari kumwe n’inshuti ze agufata nk’aho udahari??
- Kugaragaza isura nziza ku babyeyi be, no ku muryango we: N’iyo waba utabakunda ariko burya ni byiza kwibuka uruhare runini bafite ku mukobwa wabo, bityo ubibubahire kandi ukore ku buryo rwose urukundo rwanyu baruha umugisha.
- Gutekereza no kureba kure: Urukundo nta murongo runaka uhamye rugira wo kugenderaho. Jya rero uhora utekereza utuntu twose twamushimisha, ntugume mu bintu bimwe gusa kuko bigera aho bikamurambira, umuzanire indabyo nziza, umutegurire icyayi, niba ari ku kazi cyangwa ku ishuri umutungure ugire akantu umushyira yo mutari mwabivuganye, n’ibindi byose bishobora kumushimisha. Rimwe na rimwe umugurire impano nta kindi cyabaye,umuzanire filimi nziza muyirebane. Burya abakobwa ntabwo bakunda ibintu bihenze, baba bashaka gusa ibyo ubakorera bikuvuye ku mutima.
- Kwibuka amatariki akomeye mu buzima bwe : Iki ni ikintu wenda ahari utari uzi ariko gikomeye cyane ku bagore. Nuhora uzirikana itariki z’amavuko, ubukwe, itariki mwakundaniyeho, itariki imwibutsa ibintu bikomeye mu buzima bwe,… ntushobora kumva ukuntu azashimishwa cyane no kubona ukuntu umwitaho.
- Kwibuka ibyo akunda n’ibyo yanga: Umukobwa biramushimisha cyane kumva uzi ubwoko bw’indabyo akunda, ubwoko bwa filimi zimushimisha, ibara akunda, umunsi yanga cyangwa ibintu yanga kurusha ibindi. Ibi nabyo abibonamo urukundo rwinshi no kumwitaho cyane.
- Kumwandikira: Abagore muri rusange bakunda cyane umuntu ubitaho, biramushimisha gutaha agasanga akandiko wamusigiye ku musego, ako wamushyiriye mu isakoshi atabizi; biramushimisha cyane ko umubwira ko wagize amahirwe atabonwa na bake kuba ari uwawe. Si ngombwa ko ako kandiko kaba karekare cyangwa ari umuvugo wamuhimbiye, n’iyo kaba ari akajambo kamwe, kamugwa ku mutima.
- Kumuha umwanya: Buri mugore nk’uko twabibonye ko akunda umuntu umwitaho, jya umusaba umunsi yaguha atazaba ahuze, mwirirwane muri babiri gusa, murebane filimi, umukorere massage, umuririmbire; nta n’ikindi kinini ukoze ibyo byonyine azabigukundira pe.
- Kumwumva no kumusangiza ubuzima bwawe: Mubwire gahunda ufite, ibyo wakoze, ibyo wagezeho n’ibyakunaniye; umwumve nakugira inama, umutege amatwi yewe kabone n’aho waba utemeranywa nawe kubyo murimo kuvuganaho.
Mu bintu abagore binubira kenshi ni uko abagabo badakunda kubatega amatwi iyo barimo kubabwira inkuru. Jya umutega amatwi umwumve, umwereke ko witeguye kumwumva igihe cyose. Niba hari ikosa yakoze, yaba ari wowe yarikoreye cyangwa undi, nabikubwira ntugahite umukankamira, ahubwo jya ubanza umwumve, umugire inama, umukosore kandi byose ubikorane umutima mwiza bityo icyizere yari agufitiye kiziyongera.
- Kuba mu ruhande rwe: Buri gihe jya uba mu ruhande rwe, uko byaba bimeze kose, n’iyo yaba ariwe uri mu makosa, ugerageze kumuhana ariko kandi umwumvishe ko igihe cyose uhamubereye
- Mwereke ko nawe ashoboye: Niba mwasohokanye akakubwira ko yifuza kuba ariwe wishyura uwo munsi, jya umureka yishyure, umwereke ko nawe afite ubushobozi ko kandi umwubaha.
- Kumwitondesha: Niba mwarashakanye, si ngombwa ko buri gihe uko muryamye mukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina. Niba ubona atabishaka cyangwa se wenda atanabyiteguye, mwihorere, umuhe umwanya, umureke agire uruhare rufatika mu kwishimisha no kugushimisha.
- Kwirinda inshuti zawe za kera: si byiza kugarura abakobwa mwigeze gukundana (ex-girlfriends) , si byiza kandi ko uvuga ibyiza bari bafite bamurusha kuko ahita yumva nawe ari umwe mu bakobwa benshi mwakundanye, agatekereza ko urimo kubashyira mu gatebo kamwe; bityo cya yizere yari agufitiye kigatangira kugenda gishira, ndetse utaniyibagije ko byanatuma afuha.
Ibi byose nubikurikiza, azaguhora hafi kandi mubane mu munezero. Kenshi abantu bashobora gutandukana kandi nta n’ikintu gifatika bapfuye, gusa bigaterwa n’uko batabashije kumenyana bihagije.
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